In Texas, a Free Lady-Parts Cleaning Out with Every Rape Kit!

Professional forced birther Jodie Laubenberg.

Professional politician and Texas state Representative Jodie Laubenberg, R-Parker (she has no other professional experience that we can find), reminded rape victims in Texas yesterday that they don't need an exception from the draconian new forced-birth law the wingnuts are set to pass down there in the former Republic. This is because in Texas every rape victim gets a free womb cleaning as part of their rape kit. This is so much more progressive than Sarah Palin's plan to force rape victims in Alaska to pay for their rape kit. You Texas ladies who probably asked to be raped anyway should feel honored that a woman who has no idea what you're going through has the compassion to provide a free cleaning with your rape kit!

The bill’s sponsor stopped answering questions about her bill after the first two hours after she got into trouble denying Democratic amendments. When Rep. Senfronia Thompson, D-Houston, called for an exemption for women who were victims of rape and incest, Rep. Jody [sic] Laubenberg, R-Parker, explained why she felt it was unnecessary. 

“In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out,” she said, comparing the procedure to an abortion. “The woman had five months to make that decision, at this point we are looking at a baby that is very far along in its development.” 

The remark about rape kits, which is not accurate, sparked widespread ridicule on social media sites. Laubenberg, who has difficulty debating bills, then simply rejected all proposed changes to her bill without speaking until the end of the debate.

The GOP Guide to Rape

Forget all the other facts about women who've been raped being in denial about being pregnant as a result of the rape. Forget about the women who don't report the rape for many reasons, who might decide they don't want to have the rapist's baby. Forget all the psychological trauma that a rape victim must deal with after being the victim of a violent crime. None of that matters to Jodie Laudenberg, because she's got God on her side, and she's here to tell you lazy rape victims who didn't get your free uterus cleaning with your rape kit that you ain't gunna be gettin no abortion in her state.

This is, of course, because Jodie Laubenberg is a Bullshitter (further evidenced by the fact that she is the Texas State Chair of ALEC). She doesn't care about facts. She only wants to convey a certain impression to the voters who sent her to represent them in the mob of wingnuts they call a government down there. And that impression is that she is tough on women who, like workers, like poor people, like hungry children, like innocent people in prison or death row, all need to buck up, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and do what she says is best for the other people of Texas. If that means strapping you down and forcing you to give birth to your rapist's baby, so be it. If it means a few innocent people have to die on Texas's death row, ah, well, such is the price of justice in the Lone Star state.

Jodie wants to seem tough, in the name of God, to save the babies that she's not going to give a shit about once they're born. After all, if you rape victims don't give birth, they'll be a lot less kids in Texas for her to force to go hungry. Without the contribution of forced birth rape babies to the state, they'll be less people to deny health care to, to take all the minimum wage jobs they have trouble filling down there, and won't someone think of the prisons who need a steady supply of residents to keep all those law abiding, non-abortion having citizens working at keeping you abortion seeking sluts and other assorted Dirty Fucking Hippies in prison. And since executing people is the state pastime in TX, Jodie Laubenberg (contact information here) is just doing God's will to make sure there will be a large supply of unwanted children who will grow up and commit crimes, providing a steady stream of work for the forced birth industry, as well as the Texas legal system and execution machinery.

GOP to Hire Smarter Teaspoons to Bail Ocean Out of Sinking Lifeboat

The National Republican Senatorial Committee has a plan to cut off the flow of material for Keep Talking Winnguts.

The goal? To avoid what’s become known in GOP circles as "Todd Akin moments." 

"The campaigns that jumped off message not only infected themselves, they infected all the rest of the campaigns," said Rob Collins, the new NRSC executive director, in his first extensive interview on the job. "So in this age of fractured but continuous, three-dimensional communication, we have to constantly plan for that and train for that and build for that."

Let's review the Republican Party Platform:

"Faithful to the 'self-evident' truths enshrined in the Declaration of Independence, we assert the sanctity of human life and affirm that the unborn child has a fundamental individual right to life which cannot be infringed," the draft platform declares. "We support a human life amendment to the Constitution and endorse legislation to make clear that the Fourteenth Amendment's protections apply to unborn children."

Keep writing platforms, wingnuts.

The campaigns that tried to defend the official GOP platform were actually on message--forcing rape victims to give birth to their rapists' babies. They might have shown their ignorance of biology or stretched the bounds of decency with their comments, but that is the result of trying to defend an official party position that is quite hard to defend without resorting to ignorant nonsense that voters find repulsive. It is not the result of jumping "off message."

These new hired guns for the NRSC are actually there to try to get the wingnuts to lie or shut up about the official party platform. I'm skeptical that anyone will succeed at corking these bottles of expanding gas, or lessening the amount of material available to keep talking wingnuts talking.