In Texas, a Free Lady-Parts Cleaning Out with Every Rape Kit!

Professional forced birther Jodie Laubenberg.

Professional politician and Texas state Representative Jodie Laubenberg, R-Parker (she has no other professional experience that we can find), reminded rape victims in Texas yesterday that they don't need an exception from the draconian new forced-birth law the wingnuts are set to pass down there in the former Republic. This is because in Texas every rape victim gets a free womb cleaning as part of their rape kit. This is so much more progressive than Sarah Palin's plan to force rape victims in Alaska to pay for their rape kit. You Texas ladies who probably asked to be raped anyway should feel honored that a woman who has no idea what you're going through has the compassion to provide a free cleaning with your rape kit!

The bill’s sponsor stopped answering questions about her bill after the first two hours after she got into trouble denying Democratic amendments. When Rep. Senfronia Thompson, D-Houston, called for an exemption for women who were victims of rape and incest, Rep. Jody [sic] Laubenberg, R-Parker, explained why she felt it was unnecessary. 

“In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out,” she said, comparing the procedure to an abortion. “The woman had five months to make that decision, at this point we are looking at a baby that is very far along in its development.” 

The remark about rape kits, which is not accurate, sparked widespread ridicule on social media sites. Laubenberg, who has difficulty debating bills, then simply rejected all proposed changes to her bill without speaking until the end of the debate.

The GOP Guide to Rape

Forget all the other facts about women who've been raped being in denial about being pregnant as a result of the rape. Forget about the women who don't report the rape for many reasons, who might decide they don't want to have the rapist's baby. Forget all the psychological trauma that a rape victim must deal with after being the victim of a violent crime. None of that matters to Jodie Laudenberg, because she's got God on her side, and she's here to tell you lazy rape victims who didn't get your free uterus cleaning with your rape kit that you ain't gunna be gettin no abortion in her state.

This is, of course, because Jodie Laubenberg is a Bullshitter (further evidenced by the fact that she is the Texas State Chair of ALEC). She doesn't care about facts. She only wants to convey a certain impression to the voters who sent her to represent them in the mob of wingnuts they call a government down there. And that impression is that she is tough on women who, like workers, like poor people, like hungry children, like innocent people in prison or death row, all need to buck up, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and do what she says is best for the other people of Texas. If that means strapping you down and forcing you to give birth to your rapist's baby, so be it. If it means a few innocent people have to die on Texas's death row, ah, well, such is the price of justice in the Lone Star state.

Jodie wants to seem tough, in the name of God, to save the babies that she's not going to give a shit about once they're born. After all, if you rape victims don't give birth, they'll be a lot less kids in Texas for her to force to go hungry. Without the contribution of forced birth rape babies to the state, they'll be less people to deny health care to, to take all the minimum wage jobs they have trouble filling down there, and won't someone think of the prisons who need a steady supply of residents to keep all those law abiding, non-abortion having citizens working at keeping you abortion seeking sluts and other assorted Dirty Fucking Hippies in prison. And since executing people is the state pastime in TX, Jodie Laubenberg (contact information here) is just doing God's will to make sure there will be a large supply of unwanted children who will grow up and commit crimes, providing a steady stream of work for the forced birth industry, as well as the Texas legal system and execution machinery.

Bobby Jindal Can't Argue With the Actual Left, So He Makes Shit Up

Governor Bobby "Derpity Derp" Jindal

When you back a wild animal into a corner, it will sometimes snarl and flail pitifully. Fear overcomes it, and decision making gets compromised by the fight or flight instinct. Some animals, much better at running than fighting, wind up fighting in silly and stupid ways.

Such has been the case of late with the Republican Party. It's not the brightest animal to begin with, and it doesn't fight well (they tend to lie and cheat while committing a whole host of logical fallacies). Arguing with straw men is one of their favorites, but hey, at least it keeps them from talking stupidly about rape babies.

Now that Keep Talking, Wingnuts! has finished with High School Baseball, with the last of our liberal commie horde about to graduate high school, we figured it's time to jump back into the fight by going for one of the "leaders" of the cornered, slobbering, confused, tired, and dying animals that comprise the modern GOP: Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal.

Because the left wants: The government to explode; to pay everyone; to hire everyone; they believe that money grows on trees; the earth is flat; the industrial age, factory-style government is a cool new thing; debts don’t have to be repaid; people of faith are ignorant and uneducated; unborn babies don’t matter; pornography is fine; traditional marriage is discriminatory; 32 oz. sodas are evil; red meat should be rationed; rich people are evil unless they are from Hollywood or are liberal Democrats; the Israelis are unreasonable; trans-fat must be stopped; kids trapped in failing schools should be patient; wild weather is a new thing; moral standards are passé; government run health care is high quality; the IRS should violate our constitutional rights; reporters should be spied on; Benghazi was handled well; the Second Amendment is outdated; and the First one has some problems too.

The source of America's long-term debt.

That's quite a gish-galloping straw man for an old Progressive to handle, especially coming from the Governor who wants the GOP to stop being the stupid party, but let me give it a go... I love efficient government that stays out of wars, wants to prevent Wall Street from crashing the world economy again, and wants to stop big government handouts to corporations like Big Oil, Big Pharma, and the military/security/government complex. This grass-fed red meat lover (who understands that the earth is round and warming, because I believe scientists), can't stand factory farms or factory government, and realizes that our debts should and could easily be repaid if we weren't getting bilked by the medical industrial complex that charges us twice as much per person for health care as the rest of the civilized world pays. I also realize that borrowing cheap right now to invest in infrastructure would more than pay for itself, put people to work, make us more competitive and productive, and raise revenues and reduce debt through growth--something Republicans used to understand before they got infected with Obama Derangement Syndrome.

This old leftie knows many intelligent people of faith who believe in global warming, evolution, and vote for Democrats. I know that a glob of cells in a womb is not a baby (and, no Rep. Michael Burgess, the fetus is not masturbating, but please keep talking). I know that forcing women to give birth to rape babies is violent, immoral, and would be the epitome of big, intrusive government. I support straight and gay marriage and don't think either is discriminatory. I think it's interesting that apparently Jindal thinks pornography is not fine, but then thinks it's the left that has a problem with the first amendment (way to stop being stupid, Governor). I think banning large sodas is stupid, we should just tax them so taxpayers aren't left with soda companies cost shifting the negative externalities onto the rest of us (same goes for carbon). I think there are rich people everywhere who greedily look out for themselves at great cost to the rest of us, and there are rich people everywhere who are kind and generous who would have no trouble paying a slightly higher tax rate.

Weather is getting wilder.

I think the right wing of Israeli politics is unreasonable, and I hope the left there does better in the future. I do think trans-fats are bad, again, because I believe what the scientists tell me about it. I think kids in failing schools should be helped, mostly by paying teachers more (like cops, firefighters, nurses, soldiers, et al, I don't like the fact that we call them heroes, but pay them like chumps--you get what you pay for). I think wild weather has always been around, but again, I believe the scientists who are telling me that global warming is like steroids to the weather, making it even more wild more often than it would have been if we didn't allow oil and coal companies to cost shift the negative externalities of carbon onto the rest of us.

I think moral standards are extremely important. That's why I was physically assaulted multiple times by members of Jindal's Morality Party for opposing the Iraq war. It's why I wish we'd have put some bankers in jail for their fraud that fed the housing bubble. It's why I think the death penalty should be abolished, military spending should be cut, and quality health care should be a right, delivered efficiently and less expensively, via Medicare-for-all (there is not profit in health, only in treating sickness).

The Founder of the Unitary Executive Branch

I think the IRS should look into groups that want to be tax exempt. All of them. And any group that is mostly taking sides in the political world should have to pay taxes, and making them pay taxes is not unconstitutional. I think when reporters leak national security security secrets, the government has a right to, and should, investigate them. I also think the executive branch needs a huge power check, something Republicans didn't give a damn about when GW Bush was expanding the executive, and Dick "Deficits Don't Matter" Cheney was calling it "unitary."

Benghazi was a tragedy, just like the many attacks on our embassies during the Bush administration (and others), and that the only thing about Benghazi that wasn't handled well was the Republican response to it (or, more accurately, lies about it--but please continue, Governor).

I think the second amendment is fine, provided you read and follow the whole thing, especially the "well regulated militia" part.

But the best part of Jindal's little bed-wetting tirade is this:

Their philosophy does not work and it got our nation into the mess it’s in.

Trickle-up Economics. Big verison.

This little fucker has some mighty big balls, I'll give him that. The philosophy that got us into this mess is the same one that has been robbing the working man of his productivity gains ever since Ronnie Reagan and The Trickle Down-o-nauts had their number one hit back in 1981: "We'll be stealing your productivity now."

This philosophy of deregulation, putting foxes in charge of hen houses, spending trillions more than we need on the Pentagon, lying us into a $6 trillion war that maimed and killed millions, rigging markets to redistribute wealth and income upward, not raising the minimum wage, subsidizing big oil, big pharma, big coal, big agriculture, causing huge deficits through tax cuts to the rich that don't create jobs, not investing in infrastructure, relying on Reagan's EMTALA law that requires ERs to treat those who can't pay for health care (ironically, the most expensive socialized medicine possible) and generally screwing the working people of this country for 3 decades is what got us into the mess we're in. It's Bobby Jindal's I-got-mine-fuck-you philosophy that's gotten us into this mess, and the only reason we're not getting out of it faster is because this moderate president hasn't been progressive enough, or willing enough to, as Jindal suggests Republicans should do, "...go kick the other guys around."

Kicking wingnuts around is my favorite hobby. So, Governor Jindal, I'm sure your staff can find me. Come on up and we'll sit out in the garden and drink a beer (my treat, even though I'm worth a fraction of what you are) while I kick your sorry ass all up and down the political spectrum, especially when I get to the part that I can have better "conservative" outcomes through my Progressive philosophy than your heroes who lied us into war, stagnated middle class wages, and crashed the world economy could ever have.

The WIngnuts Think They Should Keep Saying the Same Mean Things in a Nicer Way: Huckabee Edition!

Mike Huckabee and Ted Nugent on Fox, natch.

One of my favorite inevitable wingnut debate moments is when they say mean, bigoted, horrific stuff about people, but they try to say it in a nice way. Common variations of this theme include "I'm not calling anyone names" or "I'm not knocking anyone for their lifestyle choices" or "I still love sinners." They pile up the dead bodies that result from the implementation of their policy, but they put a nice bouquet of roses on top to cover the smell of rotting flesh and make it look like they really care for the people who perished due to lack of health care, persistent poverty, gun violence, ectopic pregnancy, or wars we were lied into. But, hey, if they could just find the right guy to put a good spin on the destruction, it will make them look like the steel-spined authority figures who do the hard things we must.

Today's installment focuses on Reince Preibus (take out the vowels and you get RNC PR BS), who perpetuates the GOP myth that bigotry toward gays is a great policy position, as long as you put a big, fat, smiley face on it, because, you know, "tone."

Republican National Committee chairperson Reince Priebus said on Friday that former Arkansas governor and far-right culture warrior Mike Huckabee (R) should be the example by which all Republicans should abide with regards to LGBT rights and marriage equality.

The Raw Story mentions several examples of Huckabee's happy-happy-joy-joy version of loving the sinner but hating the sin. He's got a million of them. Here he is being nice to gay people:

"I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk."

See what he does there? It's not you nice, kind, gay people who are aberrant, unnatural, and sinful. It's your lifestyle! Here's another example, where he was asked if homosexuality is sinful:

Well I believe it would be -- just like lying is sinful and stealing is sinful. There are a lot of things that are sinful. It doesn't mean that a person is a horrible person. It means that they engage in behavior that is outside the norms of those boundaries of our traditional view of what's right and what's wrong. So, I think that anybody who has, maybe a traditional worldview of sexuality would classify that as an unusual behavior that is not traditional and that would be outside those bounds.

You're not a horrible person! You're just out of bounds! And don't get him started on abortion, because you're not really evil, you're just making a deadly choice for that little globular-cell-person your rapist blessed you with because it's convenient:

[Civilization cannot survive if] "one group of people have life and death control over another for no particular reason other than their own conveniences and, in that case, prejudices."

Mikey no likey, on Fox, natch, via Slacktivist.

He was saying abortion was like slavery, because it gives someone ownership of someone else, as if wanting to rid the growth of cells in one's uterus is like owning the slave you beat to death. But the way he cross dresses his desire to force rape victims to have their rapists' babies in the language of the abolitionists makes him a much better choice to be the person who will have to explain this to the rape victim as she is being forced to give birth. This seems to be the suggestion from the RNC PR BS ideology generator, anyway.

His capacity to forgive (as long as there's a better target to blame) seems almost limitless. After the Newtown school massacre committed by a disturbed kid with his mother's weapons that had no trigger locks, Huckabee found it in his enormous heart to not blame the shooter, or the mother, or the lack of a trigger lock law. No, Mike has bigger fish to fry: he blames all us heathens who don't want our kids to have to stand in the hall while the teacher leads a Christian prayer:

We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools... Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?

Of course, I always wonder what these guys would say when the Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist children want to pray in school. More diverse schools would have to add an hour to the school day just to get through them all. Or, we could just replace biology class with prayer.

My real fascination with the man (who, if Intrade was still around, I would put a little on to win the GOP nomination in 2016) is with his faulty logic that leads him to beliefs so heinous that smiling while he says them, or phrasing them in kind terms, just makes it seem that much more horrific.

I don't think the issue's about being against gay marriage. It's about being for traditional marriage and articulating the reason that's important. You have to have a basic family structure. There's never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived. So there is a sense in which, you know, it's one thing to say if people want to live a different way, that's their business. But when you want to redefine what family means or what marriage means, then that's an issue that should require some serious and significant debate in the public square.

Notice how politely he re-frames the gay marriage issue into a fight for the very survival of our civilization? See how he's just fine with you sodomites going about your unnatural, sinful, unhealthy business, so long as you don't drag our whole society to ruin by asking for the same rights as, say, interracial couples did before Loving v. Virginia?

Another problem here isn't with Huckabee per se, it's with the reporters who don't keep him talking about the really interesting points, like, well, there's never been a civilization that survived, period. They all collapse, and the fallacy (argumentum ad ignorantiam!) of blaming the redefinition of marriage, which has, thank goodness, been done many times since Biblical times, is fascinating to me. And yet I can find no instance of a reporter having drilled down on that point. Does Huckabee really think that passing laws that say rapists can't force their victims to marry them, or soldiers can't force the woman they just widowed to marry them, are the reasons those societies collapsed? Does he have examples of civilizations that survived because they allowed polygamy and all the other kinds of Biblical marriage to continue?

From the Washington Post 

Somebody please keep this wingnut talking about these things. Potential GOP voters have the right to know!

Maybe if you put on a happy face while you discriminate against gay people (note that gays decided the election for Obama), lie us into war, support the killing of innocent people with the death penalty (his answer on whether Jesus would be for the death penalty is quite telling), and force rape baby births, people will like you more! After all, when you're down this low, there's nowhere to go but up, right?