Bobby Jindal Can't Argue With the Actual Left, So He Makes Shit Up

Governor Bobby "Derpity Derp" Jindal

When you back a wild animal into a corner, it will sometimes snarl and flail pitifully. Fear overcomes it, and decision making gets compromised by the fight or flight instinct. Some animals, much better at running than fighting, wind up fighting in silly and stupid ways.

Such has been the case of late with the Republican Party. It's not the brightest animal to begin with, and it doesn't fight well (they tend to lie and cheat while committing a whole host of logical fallacies). Arguing with straw men is one of their favorites, but hey, at least it keeps them from talking stupidly about rape babies.

Now that Keep Talking, Wingnuts! has finished with High School Baseball, with the last of our liberal commie horde about to graduate high school, we figured it's time to jump back into the fight by going for one of the "leaders" of the cornered, slobbering, confused, tired, and dying animals that comprise the modern GOP: Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal.

Because the left wants: The government to explode; to pay everyone; to hire everyone; they believe that money grows on trees; the earth is flat; the industrial age, factory-style government is a cool new thing; debts don’t have to be repaid; people of faith are ignorant and uneducated; unborn babies don’t matter; pornography is fine; traditional marriage is discriminatory; 32 oz. sodas are evil; red meat should be rationed; rich people are evil unless they are from Hollywood or are liberal Democrats; the Israelis are unreasonable; trans-fat must be stopped; kids trapped in failing schools should be patient; wild weather is a new thing; moral standards are passé; government run health care is high quality; the IRS should violate our constitutional rights; reporters should be spied on; Benghazi was handled well; the Second Amendment is outdated; and the First one has some problems too.

The source of America's long-term debt.

That's quite a gish-galloping straw man for an old Progressive to handle, especially coming from the Governor who wants the GOP to stop being the stupid party, but let me give it a go... I love efficient government that stays out of wars, wants to prevent Wall Street from crashing the world economy again, and wants to stop big government handouts to corporations like Big Oil, Big Pharma, and the military/security/government complex. This grass-fed red meat lover (who understands that the earth is round and warming, because I believe scientists), can't stand factory farms or factory government, and realizes that our debts should and could easily be repaid if we weren't getting bilked by the medical industrial complex that charges us twice as much per person for health care as the rest of the civilized world pays. I also realize that borrowing cheap right now to invest in infrastructure would more than pay for itself, put people to work, make us more competitive and productive, and raise revenues and reduce debt through growth--something Republicans used to understand before they got infected with Obama Derangement Syndrome.

This old leftie knows many intelligent people of faith who believe in global warming, evolution, and vote for Democrats. I know that a glob of cells in a womb is not a baby (and, no Rep. Michael Burgess, the fetus is not masturbating, but please keep talking). I know that forcing women to give birth to rape babies is violent, immoral, and would be the epitome of big, intrusive government. I support straight and gay marriage and don't think either is discriminatory. I think it's interesting that apparently Jindal thinks pornography is not fine, but then thinks it's the left that has a problem with the first amendment (way to stop being stupid, Governor). I think banning large sodas is stupid, we should just tax them so taxpayers aren't left with soda companies cost shifting the negative externalities onto the rest of us (same goes for carbon). I think there are rich people everywhere who greedily look out for themselves at great cost to the rest of us, and there are rich people everywhere who are kind and generous who would have no trouble paying a slightly higher tax rate.

Weather is getting wilder.

I think the right wing of Israeli politics is unreasonable, and I hope the left there does better in the future. I do think trans-fats are bad, again, because I believe what the scientists tell me about it. I think kids in failing schools should be helped, mostly by paying teachers more (like cops, firefighters, nurses, soldiers, et al, I don't like the fact that we call them heroes, but pay them like chumps--you get what you pay for). I think wild weather has always been around, but again, I believe the scientists who are telling me that global warming is like steroids to the weather, making it even more wild more often than it would have been if we didn't allow oil and coal companies to cost shift the negative externalities of carbon onto the rest of us.

I think moral standards are extremely important. That's why I was physically assaulted multiple times by members of Jindal's Morality Party for opposing the Iraq war. It's why I wish we'd have put some bankers in jail for their fraud that fed the housing bubble. It's why I think the death penalty should be abolished, military spending should be cut, and quality health care should be a right, delivered efficiently and less expensively, via Medicare-for-all (there is not profit in health, only in treating sickness).

The Founder of the Unitary Executive Branch

I think the IRS should look into groups that want to be tax exempt. All of them. And any group that is mostly taking sides in the political world should have to pay taxes, and making them pay taxes is not unconstitutional. I think when reporters leak national security security secrets, the government has a right to, and should, investigate them. I also think the executive branch needs a huge power check, something Republicans didn't give a damn about when GW Bush was expanding the executive, and Dick "Deficits Don't Matter" Cheney was calling it "unitary."

Benghazi was a tragedy, just like the many attacks on our embassies during the Bush administration (and others), and that the only thing about Benghazi that wasn't handled well was the Republican response to it (or, more accurately, lies about it--but please continue, Governor).

I think the second amendment is fine, provided you read and follow the whole thing, especially the "well regulated militia" part.

But the best part of Jindal's little bed-wetting tirade is this:

Their philosophy does not work and it got our nation into the mess it’s in.

Trickle-up Economics. Big verison.

This little fucker has some mighty big balls, I'll give him that. The philosophy that got us into this mess is the same one that has been robbing the working man of his productivity gains ever since Ronnie Reagan and The Trickle Down-o-nauts had their number one hit back in 1981: "We'll be stealing your productivity now."

This philosophy of deregulation, putting foxes in charge of hen houses, spending trillions more than we need on the Pentagon, lying us into a $6 trillion war that maimed and killed millions, rigging markets to redistribute wealth and income upward, not raising the minimum wage, subsidizing big oil, big pharma, big coal, big agriculture, causing huge deficits through tax cuts to the rich that don't create jobs, not investing in infrastructure, relying on Reagan's EMTALA law that requires ERs to treat those who can't pay for health care (ironically, the most expensive socialized medicine possible) and generally screwing the working people of this country for 3 decades is what got us into the mess we're in. It's Bobby Jindal's I-got-mine-fuck-you philosophy that's gotten us into this mess, and the only reason we're not getting out of it faster is because this moderate president hasn't been progressive enough, or willing enough to, as Jindal suggests Republicans should do, "...go kick the other guys around."

Kicking wingnuts around is my favorite hobby. So, Governor Jindal, I'm sure your staff can find me. Come on up and we'll sit out in the garden and drink a beer (my treat, even though I'm worth a fraction of what you are) while I kick your sorry ass all up and down the political spectrum, especially when I get to the part that I can have better "conservative" outcomes through my Progressive philosophy than your heroes who lied us into war, stagnated middle class wages, and crashed the world economy could ever have.